Everyone wonders exactly how alien disclosure will
happen - here's a piece of political satire with a 20-day
scenario that ends on Halloween.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 12, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - White House Chief Science Consultant Robert Gumby has advised President Obama today to step-up research funding into a meteor that hit southwestern Arizona late last year while some scientists are calling its analysis "interesting" after a single organism was isolated this past weekend that hinted of life arriving from off the planet.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 13, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Obama accepted the resignation of White House Chief Science Consultant Robert Gumby after learning that the "single organism" reported yesterday apparently discovered on a meteor fragment from a late 2010 Arizona impact site may actually have been a tiny drop of grape jelly inadvertently dropped onto the meteor piece by a former science consultant from Arizona State University who had breakfast while reviewing samples recently.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 14, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - White House Press Secretary Jay Carney admitted that the "jelly explanation" was rebutted by the complete scientific staff at Arizona's "Area 51" now studying meteor fragments from the December 9, 2010, impact site three miles south of Wilcox, AZ.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 15, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Obama made an announcement at noon today from the Rose Garden saying his top scientific advisers were consulting daily with the scientific team at Arizona's "Area 51" laboratory to determine exactly what they may have discovered on one small fragment of a meteor that hit three miles south of Wilcox, AZ, at 9:53 a.m. on December 9, 2010. Obama did not take questions after the statement, only saying that he was briefed early this morning that no bio-hazard harm was found, although the precaution of evacuating a three-mile radius around the impact site has been ordered, while the specimen at Area 51 is under contamination lock-down only for precaution.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 16, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney announced that scientists at Arizona's Area 51 Research Laboratory are working around the clock in what they believe may be a single living organism taken from a meteor impact site three miles south of Wilcox, AZ, on December 9, 2010.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 17, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney and Chief Area 51 Science Commissioner Robert D. Journey jointly announced today that the organism isolated from a meteor fragment at the Wilcox, AZ, impact site is no longer living - but that further studies would be needed to understand if it was alive at some time in the past - most likely floating through deep space for thousands of years.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 18, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney denied reports of an explosion at Arizona's Area 51 Research Laboratory early this morning while reports of "several explosions" and "bright lights hovering" over the general area were reported as far away as Tucson.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 19, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney made a statement without taking questions today describing seven explosions that had occurred early yesterday morning at Arizona's Area 51 that sent debris skyward - which accounts for the noise nearby residents heard and what was described as more than 15 hovering triangle objects projecting beams of light to the ground level. The explosions, Carney said, were the result of "several helium balloon canisters that ignited during a birthday celebration" and that no one was injured. Meanwhile - more than 70 relatives of Area 51 employees say they have not heard from their Area 51 family member employees in more than 24 hours and have not received a satisfactory explanation from the U.S. military while more than 150 miles of area around the once-secret military complex has been roped off and is being guarded by armed personnel.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 20, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Obama made a statement without taking questions from the Oval Office stating that Area 51 scientists are "relatively sure" the single organism isolated from a meteor fragment near Wilcox, AZ, is indeed alive and that further tests need to be done to understand the life form - which most likely was generated in deep space thousands of light years away while moving through space for more than 30,000 years.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 21, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Obama flatly denied rumors that the Area 51 scientific complex in Arizona has been abandoned during what observers say appears to be a military take-over by dozens of "triangle objects" hovering overhead.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 22, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Sectetary Jay Carney announced early this morning that unknown triangle-shaped light sources - most likely of a natural origin - continue to hover over the Area 51 scientific complex for the fourth day. The light sources, Carney stated, were most likely naturally generated with the mix of helium and sand during the explosion of multiple tanks during a birthday celebration and should eventually burn themselves off.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 23, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney announced early this morning that new evidence suggests that the triangle light sources hovering over Arizona’s Area 51 are possibly intelligently controlled and that all nations are being queried today in a special meeting of The United Nations to determine their country of origin and intent. In the meantime, all Area 51 personnel have been evacuated by foot and the military perimeter around the base has been expanded to 250 miles.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 24, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Obama spoke from the Oval Office at 9:05 a.m. and announced that all nations across the globe have denied knowledge of operating the apparently intelligently controlled triangle-shaped objects that continue to hover over the Area 51 scientific complex. The objects, Obama stated, may be part of some elaborate hoax, and he assured both the American population and interested parties across the planet - that every effort was being made to discover their origin and intent. When asked if he thought the objects may be of alien - or off-planet - orientation - the president stated that no theory is being ruled out at this time.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 25, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney stated during a press conference at 10 a.m. that a U.S. military communications squad had made contact with at least one of the triangle-shaped objects hovering over the Area 51 scientific complex and that while the origin of the intelligence is not yet known - a message of "peace and love" had been delivered.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 26, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney expressed his deep sorrow and that of President Obama for the loss of life around the Area 51 scientific complex after a single ray of light moved out this morning from one of the triangle objects and appeared to scorch the grounds over a 200-mile radius with the words - only observed from an aerial view - and written in French - "Return the Life Form or we will continue to expand the killing radius."
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 27, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Press Secretary Jay Carney denied rumors this morning that the President and First Family, some members of Congress and the House of Representatives, had left the planet in secret "escape pods" designed to move them safely to an Earth-like planet earlier developed for colonization in case of alien attack.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 28, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - Reports from around the nation's capitol seemed to confirm that the whereabouts of the President, First Family, and most members of Congress and the House of Representatives are currently unknown. The only known remaining member of Congress, Ron Paul, R-Texas, entered the White House at 9 a.m. EST and said his team would provide the American public with an assessment soon of the situation. Paul spoke calmly and asked the American public to conduct "business as usual" without the federal government for this brief period. Scattered reports just incoming now from across the nation show that unemployed dropped dramatically and most Americans were happy.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 29, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Ron Paul was sworn in this morning after it was apparent that everyone in line for the presidency could not be located, while rumors persisted that President Obama, the First Family, Congress, the House of Representatives, and more than 70,000 Republican and Democratic leaders and key industrialists and their families had used secret escape pods to leave the planet during what appeared to be an alien invasion.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 30, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Ron Paul held a press conference from the Oval Office at 7 a.m. today to say that the American public had rallied in the streets of America proposing hope for Planet Earth. Paul announced the end of personal federal taxation and his three-day plan to reduce the American Federal Government to a single office with 500 employees and an annual budget of $97 million. Most U.S. foreign military bases were closed, troops ordered home within 7 days, and apologies made to most governments for past American intervention.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - OCTOBER 31, 2011 - THE WHITE HOUSE - President Ron Paul announced that the U.S. government has been studying alien forms since about 1947 and in fact had back-engineered crashed space craft from as many as two dozen sites across the globe. Paul sadly stated that the more than 7,000 escape pods had apparently failed due to single programming error - sending former President Obama, the First Family, Congress, the House of Representatives, and more than 70,000 Republican and Democratic leaders and key industrialists and their family members - the entire cast and crew of "Dancing with the Stars" - and Sarah Palin - instead to the Island nation of Haiti - where the only remaining American Base remains open to "keep them all there." The Haitian government announced that they had job openings for all of the Americans there - mostly in the tourism industry. Paul also stated that the single organism that was isolated at Area 51 was safely returned to the alien life forms hovering above the complex and that the triangle objects had left the planet. Sources in Haiti report that former President Obama and Sarah Palin are now operating competing taco beach bars.
PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI - NOVEMBER 1, 2011 - Former President Obama presented the Haitian government with a birth certificate that shows he was actually born there, therefore, he can run for president.